Hygiene jokes
Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"
Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.
What’s the best way to stop diarrhea in India?
With a butt plug.
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
What's so funny about toilet paper? The toilet aspect!
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.
Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.