Humor

Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"

Me: "They are Parental Guidance."

What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?

Russian malls.

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?

Family restaurants.

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

"Don't worry! Life goes on."

"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

PORK-CHOP

My favorite joke is my life.

I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!

What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.

This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.