Humor
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
Michael Jackson is pure cheese.
I mean, Jacko comes on a little cracker.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.