Humor
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Memes
An announcement from your Most High Comrade
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?
She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.