I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
Humor
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
