Humor
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?
She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."