Humor

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?

You get PRICKrolled.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.

Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.

What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?

Panera dread.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?

Five Guys.

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.