Humor
Hey, Squidward, say "kid" backward. Also, suck my dick!
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Yo momma is so dumb that she couldn't even get three words into this joke. Maybe that's why she gave it a thumb's down...
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
weixian
She (DYM 110)
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A slipper.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.