Humor

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.

This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.

People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?

Because they don't have soul.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Because they don't meet the koalafications.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

what do you call a lazy gay?

someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."

Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."