Humor
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”