Humor
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn’t have to, he scares the shit out of the toilet.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
Memes
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Why can’t the turd fart? Because it already shitted!
Sans: Why did the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Why?
Sans: 'Cause he was too fat and ugly!
Papyrus: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA LOLOL,OLOLOL
Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!
What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
Your mom gay.
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.
"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex, sex, sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.
Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌