Darkness jokes
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.