Little Johnny

Bloodcurdling scream

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Food

Anonymous

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

Man

The Special

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

Jesus

Mechanical Manic

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

Depression

Anonymous

So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn’t actually tell me the joke.

See

Anonymous

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, “Isn’t it dark down here?” She replies, “I don’t know. I can’t see.”

Means

Zane

Rules of Dark humor:

  1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
  2. No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
  3. Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
  • Sincerely, Zane

White

Anonymous

i hate when i lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. where do i lose my friends from Afghanistan? in an explosion

Guy

Anonymous

Why did they invent glow in the dark condoms So gay guys can play star wars

Light

Limping Idiot 143

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.

Friend

Dark Humor

Friend:How dark is your humor? Me:It picks cotton

Puns

Anonymous

Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?

Because there were too many knights.

Difference

Youre welcome

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate

John

Nellie

Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy very wise presidents?

They both had an open mind.

Light

Anonymous

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”

God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”

Wife

dildo

20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ¨explain the dildo prick¨ the husband says ¨explain the children bitch

Twin Towers

THATS SO TOUGH

Why were the Twin Towers mad, because they ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane.

Baby

Yeet

The secret to dark humor is the delivery… oh wait, the baby was stillborn.

Difference

Vashta

What’s the difference between dark humour and morbid humour?

Dark humour is 10 babys in a trash can Morbid humour is 1 baby in 10 trash cans

Baby

Smokescreen

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark

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