Humor

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.

What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Those two jokes are not funny at all!

What's worse than funny condom fails?

Jake Paul.

Why can’t organs have a family bag of chips?

Because they have no family to share it with.

Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?

They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

Girl: What is abortion?

Man: Ask your brother.

Girl: But I don't have a brother!

Man: Exactly!

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

Friend: You are joking.

Me: Joking on deez nuts.

What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?

Dead.

Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

What do you call a lying Mexican?

Pinocchico.

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.

So here's Uranus, where's my anus?

My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂

Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎