Humor
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because there's too many jokes about Sally.
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
Memes
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”
Stephen Hawking couldn't take the stairway to Heaven, he had to take the lift.
What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?
"I'm wiped!"
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
What has 8 legs and 2 ears? A dog.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.
What do you call a lying Mexican?
Pinocchico.
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a Teletubby?
A. The Teletubby is a lot more coherent.
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.