Humor
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
He jizzes canned cheese.
What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?
"I'm wiped!"
Stephen Hawking couldn't take the stairway to Heaven, he had to take the lift.
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because there's too many jokes about Sally.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.