Humor
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!
Can February march? -- No, but April may.
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
Doin (DYM 45)
Talking about planets with my nephew.
He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
What do you call sweaty titties?
Humititties.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.
Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
"Talking Ben killed me. JK, it was talking me."
Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.