Humor
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"
Guy: That's probably because you're single.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ididap.
Ididap who?
That's the joke, you did a poo!
I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
Why don't Romans find algebra fun?
X is always ten.
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"
What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
This is a Cuphead joke.
Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!
My dick.
1 + 1 = window.