Humor
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
He jizzes canned cheese.
What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?
"I'm wiped!"
Stephen Hawking couldn't take the stairway to Heaven, he had to take the lift.
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”
Memes
… none of the above..
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.