Humor
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
So here's Uranus, where's my anus?
Friend: You are joking.
Me: Joking on deez nuts.
Girl: What is abortion?
Man: Ask your brother.
Girl: But I don't have a brother!
Man: Exactly!
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Why can’t organs have a family bag of chips?
Because they have no family to share it with.
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?
Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.
By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!
He jizzes canned cheese.
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?
Ei-lean.
What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?
"I'm wiped!"
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.