My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
Humor
I got a joke.
Allahu Akbar!
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
Cheesiest jokes.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
Chuck Norris destroys the yo mama!
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?
Everywhere.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
Deez nuts!
