Humor
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Doin (DYM 35).
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.