Humor

If a mentally challenged person shows up late,

Is it ok to call him tardy?

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.

What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer."

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

Why is there no phone in China?

Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?

A: Loli-pops.

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

What is Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.

"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.

"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"

"You getting kicked out, bro?"

"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."

"Is she one of them woke bitches?"

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh, honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" The sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

What is Jesus' favorite gun?

A nail gun.