Humor
Why does Technoblade make orphan jokes?
'Cuz he's the Father!!!
What planet has a butt? Uranus!
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?
"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Memes
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
What did the sun say to the Earth?
"Am I hot?"
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.