Humor
What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Twin Tower jokes are funny because they are dead.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Memes
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
What did the penis say to its pee?
"Urine."
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”