Yo mama so ugly,
my screen cracked when she took her photo!
Humor
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!
Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
What do you call California during a forest fire?
Completely normal.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
