Humor
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
Twin Tower jokes are funny because they are dead.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
What did the penis say to its pee?
"Urine."
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!