Humor

Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.

Son: That’s too baaaaaad!

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?

A Tyrannosaurus Tex.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?

A slow swimmer...

What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?

Sharp! 🤣

I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?

What YouTube channel did Mt. Fuji subscribe to? Chrissy Man.

Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...

For every orphan, a bag of chips is family size.

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

But no pun in ten did.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off!

Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.

Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.

No joke!