Humor
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
Why are you wearing a cap? Oh, I know, to cover your hairline!
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.
Memes
Explain Bear i hate you
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.
No joke!
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.
But no pun in ten did.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
Funny.