Humor
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it would be a piece of cake! 🎂😂
What did Osama say after knocking over the Twin Towers?
He he he haw.
You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
What's long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What's the artist imagine something?
Imagine Dragons!
Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!
Here's a joke: Your life.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.