Humor

What do you call an Indian going through the bins?

RUM-MAJINGG

I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.

How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?

They egg-xercise every day!

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Me: Knock knock.

Person: Who's there?

Me: No-one.

Person: No-one who?

Me:...........

What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?

A jammy cunt.

Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?

Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.

Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.

PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.

Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?

Because they don’t have pockets. I’m

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:

Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?

Student: PIGS!

Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?

Student: SHEEP!

Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.

Student: IK where that comes from!

A FAT COW! 😂😂

What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?

Chunky Tomato Soup.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"