Humor
Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?
Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
What is stuck between a doorway?
Rebel Wilson.
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
What do you call a chill transgender?
Fictional.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.
Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!