Humor
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
It's horrible to make jokes about 9/11, but it's not funny when I found out my mate's mum jumped from the 21st floor.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."