Humor

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

All zodiac signs have a signature hairstyle except for cancer. :)

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

A black and white portrait of William Shakespeare is at the center of the image. Above his head is written: "TO THINE WINDOW, TO THINE WALL." Below him is written: "TILL THINE PERSPIRATION DESCENDS DOWNWARD FROM THINE GENITALIA."

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.

Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

🎆 New Year's Eve

Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"

Mom👱🏻‍♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"

Dad👨🏻‍🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

That joke didn't land well, did it?

Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!