Humor
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.
Why didn't anyone laugh at pizza jokes?
Because they were too cheesy!
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
Imagine a dragon 🤔.
Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.
C'mon guys, 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.
9/11 jokes are the bomb.
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.