Humor
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?
Because it can't hit home.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”