Humor
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?
None fave. Foch heads.
Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
Girl: What is abortion?
Man: Ask your brother.
Girl: But I don't have a brother!
Man: Exactly!
Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.
After a while, a student stands up.
Teacher: So you think you are stupid?
Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Why are most dark jokes about orphans?
They can't complain to their parents.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What candy loves shooting stars? Starbursts!
What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?
Orange juice.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
Hope this is good!