Humor
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
Easy! Peasy! Lemon Squeezy! 🍋😂
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.