Humor
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
Memes
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
What pictures do orphans take? Selfies.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What do planets use to download music?
Nep-tunes.
All these jokes are pen-ful to read.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.