I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
Humor
What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew?
Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
I love fard 😋
Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.
Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?
Bully: I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Then why are you listening?
What are two plus sides to being an orphan?
1. All your snacks are family sized.
2. No one can make jokes about your mama.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?
- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
I'm so friking dumb, even I need Joe Mama so fricking bad.
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Ha, gay!
I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"
