What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Humor
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Why is Jenna Marbles so funny? She lost all her marbles.
She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.
Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.
Guys, stop joking about 9/11. It's just plane wrong.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
That’s right, I have my own category😎
