Humor

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

What's your mom on?

Deez nuts!

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.

Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.