Humor

Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.

I wish I was dead like my jokes.

What do you call an Afghanistan person in a bath?

A bath bomb.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Why did the dinosaur take a bath?

So it can get ex-stinked!

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."