Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
They told me I could never be an actor....
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
People judge me because im quiet
no one plans a massacre out loud
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.
But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..
A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."
When I woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats and eye, but when hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people loose their shit?
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge”.
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either
it’s just true
There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain
Don’t mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood
why cant orphans be gay -they have no one to call daddy
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul walker and no one else
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
