What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

Rrrrrapeit!

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.