How Many jokes
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer may shock you!
How many racist jokes am I allowed to make?
None.
Because I don't make jokes.
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.