How Many jokes
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
I wonder how many people read this wrong.
Somebody asks me: How many YT subs you got?
Me: More than you!
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, there is no electricity.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer may shock you!
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?
Birbal: 8,971.
Akbar: What if there are fewer?
Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.
Akbar: What if there are more?
Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....