How Many jokes
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
How many people fit in a tree?
I don't know, you tell me.
How many prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just put the light bulb up their pussy and ask you to pay.
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?
Tentacles!
Somebody asks me: How many YT subs you got?
Me: More than you!
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.