How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb
None they just beat the room for it being black
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 35! Do you have a problem with that?
how many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
MORE BAD JOKES
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Tentacles!
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.
