Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
if you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. but donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. geez!
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
mrs.mallaras boobs where (69) pounds she said that was to to to much(69222) so she went to 51st street (6922251) to visit doctor x (6922251 x) and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8) she ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008
A man is consoling his nine year old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted,
"You need to be more careful" he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists?
They are also forcing themselves on others.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh
Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump? Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!
What's the definition of total chaos? A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
Out of a total population of 1.3 billion no one in Africa actually speaks African.
WHY IS THE MOON RED TODAY?The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
3 blonde were walking on a path, the first blonde said, “Hey look there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way those are totally duck tracks,” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh those are” then they got hit by a train.
Why did the child cross the road? To get to the church. Knock-Knock. Who's there? The Priest... Lets go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Ever head the saying white people can’t jump?? Well I thinks that’s total bull shit you should have seen us on 9:11
one time in camp i kissed my bunkmate bret in the shower. he cupped my breasts and lathered them in prell, But im totally not gay.... :)
