House Jokes

why are orphans so bad at poker?

they don't know what a full house is.

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.

Hola soy Dora do you see Donald Trump That’s right he’s at my house and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him so she was Walled alive

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing and then your house will be gone

You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car and I will be there in a couple of hours would you be able to pick them out at your house and I will pick you up and I will be at your place at your convenience I can get them in a little while I’m at the park bye

Yesterday i tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were and that made her cry harder. So then i adked her where her house was and she said with tears "i dont have one" so i got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was a orphaninch.

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.

'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.

And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'

To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'

To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'

Why couldn’t the house see?

The blinds were down

The cold winter night there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men where gay but they did not know. Fili: Fili. Kili: And Kili. Fili and Kili: At your service. Kili: You must be Mr. Baggins. Bilbo: No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house. Kili: What?! Has it been canceled? Fili: No one told us. Bilbo: Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled. Kili: That’s a relief. Fili: Careful with these, I just had them sharpened. Kili: It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself? Bilbo: Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that? Dwalin: Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand. Kili: Mr. Dwalin. Balin: Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in. Bilbo: Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste! One of the Dwarves: Get off, you big lump!

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. it was a bar seat. they where able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it

Why can't orphans play baseball, they don’t know where home is

I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor Why do orphans like boomerangs, cause they come back

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Girls are like rocks the flat ones get skipped

What an orphans least favorite tv show, Family Guy

If you hit an orphan what are they going to do tell their parents

If you hit an orphan with a car at least you don't have to tell their parents

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father What does a orphan call a family photo, a selfie Why was the orphan a big success, cause people say go big or go home he only had one option Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What do orphans and blind kids have in common, the can’t see their parents

Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt, because they don’t know what a mummy is

Why are orphans bad at poker, because they don't know what a full house is

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need. Grenades, guns, ammo unless it was bolted down it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude. When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?", he asks. "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie looking out of the kitchen window "I know," said her mother "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgent coming in tomorrow im super excited to work with him the next day we had to do our first ever open hart surgery so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient so we finished the surgery and went out side for a smoke and we were talking I said why did you keep the patients blood on your glove? He replied we in my free time I test it for anything diseases HIV the next day I got invited to his house and we had some drinks I said this is amazing red tea what is in it just the 2000 people you have cut opened .

What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?

A life expectancy of 15-25 days.

What is a room you can not enter?

A mushroom.