House Jokes

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

What do you call a door that bells? A doorbell.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?

It's a motherfucking shitshow party!

Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

What TV series do orphans hate?

"House, M.D."

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.