House jokes

What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

In Washington D.C.

Why can orphans not play bingo?

Because they can't get a full house.

Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."

I love you.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

Why can orphans never walk home?

Because there's no way to go.

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

Yo mama so fat, when she went to bed, the house shook.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

Because it had a window pane.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."