House Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Dont see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return. If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too though.

why can’t in orphan play basebalI because he can’t find home

Women are like Tornadoes

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

How do you know if an Asian has broke into your house? Your dog is gone. ;)

What do you call an orphanage, that's not an orphanage?

A Homeless shelter

I have a friend who recently stoped smoking and the withdraw was hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend. I see a dreamer over there by the water!

my gun is like my house used to be full now its empty

So my friends birthday is in a couple of day's, and I was wondering what to get him. He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers'

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter".

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter".

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter".

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important"?

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here".

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than 9 because my basements still dark.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, “Whats that?” the little boy says, “That’s my little red race car.” 10 minutes later the boy looks down and asks, “Whats that?” the little girl says, "that’s my little red race car garage.” So later that night the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She said yes and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage but it won’t fit. Down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor, the mother asks "What happened?” the little girl says, “We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit so i cut the back wheels off.”

What's the difference between me and my best friends

At least one of us has a house

bob: can I come to your house to meet your family orphan: I don't have a family

why can't orphans play house flipper? cuz they don't know what to do

Someone threatened to break into my house but I am in a wheelchair, I said sure and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.