House jokes

Why do orphans look at a house for so long?

'Cause they never had one.

Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I love the chicken house that is a great place for a walk home, and walk home from a home, and walk home night, and walk home, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school.

Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?

Because they heard the drinks were on the house!

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

What shows do orphans dream of?

Full House or Fuller House.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.

A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"

POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.

Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,

Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

How much does a chimney cost?

It's free cause it's on the house.

Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!