House jokes

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I love the chicken house that is a great place for a walk home, and walk home from a home, and walk home night, and walk home, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school.

POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.

Which room is the safest place in the house?

The living room.

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

How much does a chimney cost?

It's free cause it's on the house.

Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,

Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.

Who robs and breaks into people's houses?

Why can't homeless people buy a house?

'Cause they live on the streets.

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!

Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?

Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!

Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!

Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???

Me: Yea

In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.

Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."