Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Why does Wet have a big head? Because he got hit by a wetaroid!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was hit by a bus.
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
