Hit jokes

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, and if they do, hit them with a shoe till they're all black and blue!

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?

She was hit by a bus.

Why are school shooting jokes so funny?

Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!

Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?

They hit their nose on the wall.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They never hit home.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?

I'D HIT THAT!