Hit jokes

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, and if they do, hit them with a shoe till they're all black and blue!

Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?

She was hit by a bus.

Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?

They hit their nose on the wall.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They never hit home.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."

When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.