Hit jokes
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Why can't Indians play baseball? Because every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?