A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Why don't rappers ever play baseball?
Because they're too busy dropping hits!
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
