New Hit Jokes

A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.

Who wins?

Society.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a bus.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

My cousin really loves baseball.

He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.

What do you call a Trump Supporter?

A piece of $hit!

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Why don't rappers ever play baseball?

Because they're too busy dropping hits!

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.