Hit jokes
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
What was the weather forecast when the planes hit the World Trade Center? Partly cloudy with scattered passengers!
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.
My aim is cursed; one of my Angry Birds hit a field.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
If an orphan got hit, will they go tell their parents?
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.