History jokes
My favorite sex position is the โJFK,โ I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car ๐
My dad killed Hitler.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
โ Steven Wright
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:
TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."
Smart kid!
I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?
Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why donโt people talk about it?
Because itโs only bad when white people do it.
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.