History jokes

Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

Hillary Clinton is elected president...

And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.

What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?

"Holy shit, I burnt one."

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:

TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."

Smart kid!

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?

Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?

Because it’s only bad when white people do it.

What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?

“I can na-zi.”

What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?

Circumference.

What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?

Gasar.

Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.

The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.

Yo mama so fat it took her 3 seconds to cross the Great Wall of China.

What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?

Morgan.

What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?

Stephen Walkins.

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?