History jokes
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn't exist then.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen.
I feel like the Twin Towers, I’m broken.
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.
What was the last thing that went through the 9/11 jumpers' heads?
Their ankles.
It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!
Why is America so bad at playing Jenga?
Because they already lost two towers.
Who are the fastest readers in history?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. Instead, they got a plane.