History jokes
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
What would Hitler be called if he abused women? Hither!
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Meaning behind the German flag: 🇩🇪 Black: culture Red: Beer Yellow: Sausage Blue: Winning world wars.
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂
My dad killed Hitler.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright