History jokes
You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
What do you call a tall terrorist?
Osama Bin Laden.
Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.
Hitler only wanted peace.
A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, and a piece of Turkey.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Where is Rex the dinosaur? In the ground.
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.