History jokes
Why did the Titanic sink? Because it saw an iceberg selling candy.
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
What's Hitler's favorite letter? Not Z.
9/11, am I right?
Statue of Liberty ain't even American, that b*tch is French!
Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
They had better reflexes than the trading center.
Best friend makes joke about 9/11.
Me: My pop was a part of that!
Best friend: So sorry!
Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.
Why was six scared of seven? Because 7 ate 9. Why was 10 scared? Because it was between 9/11.
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?
Adolf Hit-her.
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.