History jokes
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
I have a Twin Towers model in my room.
It got infested with jumping spiders.
What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.
It's been an hour since I crashed the tower.
Why did Hitler kill himself? Cause gas prices were too high!
It was a blast to visit the Twin Towers on 9/11 at exactly 8:46 a.m. It was the bomb... like, literally!
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.
HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.
One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"