Hell jokes

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!

I AM FUCKING HAPPY AS HELL.

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

Yo mama so Karen that when she went to hell, she asked Satan for the manager.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?

Hellephino (Hell if I know)

What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?

Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

Why the "hell" is this here?

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

Rot in hell?

More like nasty-ass thot in a well.

I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"