Hell jokes
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Credit to Burn in Hell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5a0jTc9S10
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
Dam, my balls itch like hell.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
What are the sinful letters of the alphabet?
A, B, C you in hell.
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
Why did Hellen hate when her dad yelled at her?
Oh wait, she didn’t know! 🤣🤣
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!