Eternity jokes

Doom is eternal.

Bf: What do you think about our love?

Gf: Count the stars in the sky.

Bf: Aww, it's infinity.

Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

God: “Steven, join us.”

*sees the staircase to heaven*

Steven: “Shit.”

Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Why did Jesus create the Devil?

He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!