Eternity jokes

Doom is eternal.

Bf: What do you think about our love?

Gf: Count the stars in the sky.

Bf: Aww, it's infinity.

Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

God: “Steven, join us.”

*sees the staircase to heaven*

Steven: “Shit.”

Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Why did Jesus create the Devil?

He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.