Health jokes

What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭

Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.

Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!

Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.

Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!

What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?

They both break your heart.

My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack?

Vegetables.

What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?

Cool-Aid!

"Don't have sex" - Jake.

Kids- it's time for Dora.

Kids- YAY!

Nick Jr. host- Today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma.

Swiper- Hello kids, I am trying to find my way to Diego's. Will you please help me?

Kids- Where's Dora?

Swiper- She's under cardiac arrest.

Kids- Poor Dora.

Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING!

Swiper - AH MAN!!

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!

Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.

Why is Viagra just like Disneyland?

It's a 1 hour wait for a 5 minute ride.

What do you call someone with no legs?

Disabled.

Why do athletes cool down fast? Because they have fans.

Wash your hands.

What's the difference between a computer and a crumpled person? A computer runs.

Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL

How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?

Chew when you swallow!

What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.

What kind of nut hates baseball? A nut that’s sick.