Health jokes
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack?
Vegetables.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
"Don't have sex" - Jake.
Kids- it's time for Dora.
Kids- YAY!
Nick Jr. host- Today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma.
Swiper- Hello kids, I am trying to find my way to Diego's. Will you please help me?
Kids- Where's Dora?
Swiper- She's under cardiac arrest.
Kids- Poor Dora.
Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING!
Swiper - AH MAN!!
Memes
Shitpost-master general
Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.
Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!
1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.
2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!
3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.
4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".
She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!
Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee
What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!
Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.
Why is Viagra just like Disneyland?
It's a 1 hour wait for a 5 minute ride.
What do you call someone with no legs?
Disabled.
Why do athletes cool down fast? Because they have fans.
Wash your hands.
What's the difference between a computer and a crumpled person? A computer runs.
Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL
How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?
Chew when you swallow!
What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.
What kind of nut hates baseball? A nut that’s sick.
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.