Health jokes
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
Cancer cancer cancer cancer. (joke speaks for itself)
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.