Health jokes
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.