Health jokes
What's the difference between anal and oral?
Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.
Wanna hear a joke? You need some milk.
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Why can’t an orphan take medicine?
They need parental supervision.
What did Omnicron say to Delta?
"Same race, bud, different evolution."
"SIX FEET AWAY, OMNI! SIX FEET AWAY!"
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?
A: A clothes hanger.
I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."
Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
What is mad cow disease?
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
Why didn't the teddy bear want to go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.