Health Jokes

Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?

I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.

Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.

What did the doc say to the skeleton? You're skele-a-ton.

A cartoon image of two people having a conversation. The first person is a light-skinned person with green hair who is talking. A speech bubble above them reads, "So did you hear what he did last week?". The second person is a dark-skinned person with their hair in a bun. Above them is a speech bubble with the single word "She.". Under the first speech bubble is another with the text, "Right. Anyway, she raped a minor and gave him aids."

A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

Was he under insurance claim?

What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"

What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.

I did a good walk and I...

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

What's the difference between anal and oral?

Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.

Wanna hear a joke? You need some milk.

Why did the computer catch cold?

It left a window open.

What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in your dirty laundry!

What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.