Health jokes

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.

Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?

Because it got pissed off!

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.

Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.

I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.

Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

What do dentists play at their practice?

Dental records.

What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.

Why didn't the teddy bear want to go to the gym?

Because he didn't want to get ripped.

The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"

Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?

What are two things you could call a fart?

"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"

Why did the tomato blush?

Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.

During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.

Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!