Health jokes
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.
I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."
Yo mama so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
Why didn't the teddy bear want to go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
What are two things you could call a fart?
"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?
During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!