Health jokes
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Wanna hear a joke? You need some milk.
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
Memes
Bro how are my favorite rappers gonna make good music if they can’t pop PERKIES
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My jokes are cancer.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)