Catch jokes
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!
Yo mama is so dumb, she plays Pokémon and doesn’t catch any.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
What’s an orphan's favorite game?
Catch.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”
Y'all catch me up, what's going on on this website because I haven't been on for, like, 2 weeks?
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class? Catch you later!
Why did the police play baseball?
Why?
He wanted to play catch.
What show would have made Michael Jackson a superstar for television? To Catch a Predator, for obvious reasons.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.