Health jokes
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Memes
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.
Btw, it's a joke lol.
What did Omnicron say to Delta?
"Same race, bud, different evolution."
"SIX FEET AWAY, OMNI! SIX FEET AWAY!"
Why can’t an orphan take medicine?
They need parental supervision.
This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.
Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?
A: A clothes hanger.