Health jokes
I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
What’s the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
Ahh, the coronavirus!
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
Baal jharne ke upay?
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"