Health jokes
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.
Why are hospitals always freezing? They need to keep the vegetables cold.
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
What is a part of a vegetable you can't eat?
The wheelchair.
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Ajay's leg.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
Down syndrome and brownies.